A fabulous Grey’s Anatomy quote to follow up Tuesday’s When a Relationship Ends.

On the heels of Izzy’s loss in the surgery contest, Richard offers this advice:

Chin up. Put your shoulders back, walk proud, strut a little. Don’t lick your wounds: celebrate them. The scars you bear are the signs of a competitor. You’re in a lion fight, Stevens. Just because you didn’t win doesn’t mean you don’t know how to roar.

Now dating is obviously not a surgery contest, but I think we’d all agree that it is a contest of sorts. Some of us win and some of us don’t. Some of us date and find love. Others are still in the trenches looking for it.

Some of those who think they’ve found it, realize later that they didn’t. After a break up, we react in many different ways.

My friend is rediscovering herself. My daughter instantly trying to find a replacement model. Some women hole up and hide from the world in their misery. Their self esteem is on the floor, they feel unloved and maybe unattractive. They spend a lot of time wondering what is wrong with them or what they did wrong in the relationship.

Think about these women in the context of Richard’s advice. They are hiding from the world, and maybe even from themselves, licking their wounds. If they go out, their body language is not proud and confident. Shoulders hunched and a sad look, onlookers see someone who’s been badly beaten. Because they didn’t win, they feel as if they are losers; that they don’t know how to roar.

And really, shouldn’t a break up be an opportunity to get to know yourself better, to learn, to grow? I’m not suggesting you shouldn’t feel sad or that you shouldn’t mourn the loss.

I’m just suggesting that rather than having an ongoing pity party, you should strut your stuff and celebrate your wounds knowing that the loss you have just endured is an opportunity to grow. Because in the end that growth, that opportunity to fall in love with yourself, will help you attract the love you deserve.