So how do you know if you are involved with a jerk? According to psychologist John Van Epp, a jerk is someone who is persistently resistant to changing some problem area of their life. The key, he says, is to dig below the surface a take some time to really get to know the person.

I really liked Van Epp’s Relationship Attachment Model-

knowing
trusting
meeting needs
level of commitment
sexual involvement

I also thought he was dead on when he talked about how we form a picture of someone based on our ideals of what they are rather than what kind of person they are in reality. We project our ideals on them and then are disappointed when they don’t live up to that ideal.

When I look back at my past relationships, I realize that I did just that. I also realize that the 5 components of RAM just weren’t there.

Thoughts?