ran into my ex bf yesterday @ the gym…only the second time i’ve seen him there since he left me 5 days after my brother’s funeral in august…yesterday would have been my brother’s 42nd birthday…and there i am, on the treadmill when i spot TG…

my heart jumped right up into my throat…it’s the first time i’ve seen him since he texted to say happy new year and i texted back saying he should delete my # from my phone…that if he was going to go away, he should really go the fuck away…

part of our problem, at least according to him, was that he was not ready for a relationship…we’d been seeing each other a few weeks…i replied we could just take it day by day and see how it went…he agreed…after a few minutes he said he had never dated more than one person at a time and was looking forward to it…i began to cry…we’d slept together and now he was telling me that he wanted to continue seeing me, sleeping with me, and dating other people at the same time…that was the beginning of a huge emotinal roller coaster…we separated for a few days and then began seeing each other again under the agreement that if we had sex again, it would be because we would be exclusive…and we were, right up until 5 days after the funeral when he left me for a bisexual wiccan who didn’t have a problem with him dating more than one person…right up until she fell in love with him…he and she have broken up and reunited more times than i have fingers and toes…apparently they are seeing each other yet again…my friend K said TG had brought her to church and that he couldn’t believe TG had left me for her…woot!woot! go me…

i admit a few moments of panic when i saw him at the gym yesterday…i couldn’t believe that yesterday (my brother’s birthday) was the day i ran into him…for just a minute i wanted to reach out to him…then sanity returned…i remembered all of the pain, the tears, the lies…i realized it was just one more opportunity to gain strength, to gain perspective, to maintain my dignity…and i worked out harder than ever before, avoided eye contact and left with my heart and my pride intact…

today, i was reading an article (written by a man) about emotionally unavailable men…this is his advice:

If instead, you step back and stop chasing him or trying to convince him you’re the right woman, you’ll have an opportunity to do something that can honestly be ATTRACTIVE to him- You first leave a space that he’ll not recognize and not understand, which will first get him thinking about you and then wondering why you aren’t acting the way you used to. Men love “new” things and curiousities. Plus, you’ll also be able to give him the space he’s tried asking you for in his retarded emotioanally unavailable “man-speak”. Something funny happens when a man gets the space he asked for- If you do it in the right way, he’s forced to deal with himself and his own feelings to figure out that all the things he is worried about, afraid of, fearful of “committing to”, etc. And being by himself, he’ll see that these things are really just in his own mind – and not bad things about YOU. In other words – he won’t keep taking all the old “stuff” from the past that wasn’t working and keepidentifying it with YOU. But you’ve to go know the way to “re-wire” the connection once you’ve broken the old one. And if you can do this, I guarantee he’ll come calling wondering about you.

huh? are you even fucking kidding me??? this advice was being given to a woman who wanted to get her EUA (emotionally unavailable) ex bf, who is dating someone else, back and this is the advice this idiot gives…

believe me when i tell you that if there’s an EUA man within an hour’s drive, he’ll end up in my radar…i can pick ‘em with my damn eyes closed and i am here to assure you that walking away has no such effect…how do i know? i fucking invented it! if i walk away, don’t email, don’t call, yada yada, he’ll realize he misses me…he’ll understand that his issues have nothing to do with me…he’ll figure out i’m not going to chase him, and he’ll come back…i should patent the damn move…

ladies this is just proof that just because a man writes about or talks about why men do what they do, it means absolutely fucking nothing…it’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing kind of thing…of course, he knows what he’s talking about, he’s a man…uh huh…that, my friends, is exactly my point…he’s a man…and you think he’s going to share all men’s secrets…puhlease!

let me just assure you ladies a man who is UAE is simply not worth getting your heart broken over…they are users…they will be with you, sleep with you, party with you…when it’s convenient…and, when it’s not, they’ll be “not ready” for more…”not ready” for a relationship…